Hello you gorgeous person. I hope you’re so well. I can’t believe this is the last time I’ll write to you in 2020. I’m feeling kind of nostalgic and sad about it honestly.
First, I’d like to acknowledge YOU. My readers. Thank you for being here. For showing up for yourselves and for me. If you’re reading this, I want you to know you’re a wonderful person and are so worthy of love and pleasure. Your future is so bright!
I don’t know about you, but I’m a little bit over the whole “2020 was terrible” rhetoric. I don’t mean to be insensitive, however, as I know that this year was inconceivably tragic. What I mean is, I believe in the power of positive energy. I believe in creating a new collective narrative. There is a line between speaking our truth “2020 was terrible” and that truth taking over our lives “2020 was terrible, so I am, forever, terrible.” Blah. I reject that narrative. We can learn so much from being knocked down. Both personally, and as a global unit.
I’m reminding you right now that although so much societal trauma happened this year, we made it. We still get the honor to live, and to choose the outlook we have for tomorrow. We can choose to show up for our growth and our lives right this second. Right NOW!
Let’s do something with that energy as we transition into 2021.
Like many of you, I’m reflecting a LOT on what the year held, and it seems a little bit unreal. In the midst of a pandemic, shelter in place orders, a presidential election, psycho pardons, UFO confirmations, etc., life kept happening and happening and happening!
At the end of each year, I usually take a shitload of time to journal, to spend some time alone, and then usually to travel. I totally love the idea of new year, new intentions, and I also LOVE the process of thanking the past year, highlighting key takeaways, and moving forward with gusto. I’ve decided to basically journal out loud to all of you, as I’ve found this practice very very healing throughout this blogging journey.
I went ahead and created a bullet pointed timeline of my year. When I read it back, I cried, laughed, and realized my mouth was agape as I read all that transpired. It was a year of MASSIVE growth for me. It was also my Saturn return, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I am so excited to be alive and I hope reading about how tumultuous my year was will remind you that you are not alone, nobody is perfect (despite what you might see on social media), and you are a part of a massive web of energy. You’re supported by the universe, and you ARE LOVE.
At the end of this entry, I make categorized lists of my favorite books, products & blog entries of 2020 as well.
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Alright, let’s jump in. This year felt like a masterclass on being alive for which I am eternally grateful. I wrote to my e-mail list a much more concise version of these happenings at the beginning of the week, but as I write today, I feel compelled to chronologize 2020’s magnitude. Here we go, humbly:
- Spent last New Years on a 2-week trip around Baja, Mexico
- Started an Only Fans
- Covid Strikes, and our understanding of the world is shifted
- Camille gets married and I now have a brother
- Finalize Amber Bath rebrand
- I face my truth that I can’t live my fullest expression in the container of my relationship
- Separate from the man I thought I would wed
- George Floyd’s murder ignites BLM movement
- Establish a new home in my plant-filled loft
- Feelings of pride for showing up for myself
- Party. One-night-stands. Tequila.
- Shooting content like crazy for OF, Instagram, etc.
- Start to spiral into some weird version of myself. Totally out of body. Cloudy & confused.
- Start this blog (Hi, I love you). Fall back in love with writing.
- Start @thesexden
- So much tightness in my chest.
- Kept up on self-love practices, journaling, exercise, dance, crystals, sage, reading
- Connect with new friends
- Erect pole in my studio
- Start Accutane after a 14 year battle with my acne
- Discover my passion for helping others with their confidence journey, particularly sexual
- Emotional discomfort manifesting as physical tightness in my chest
- Connect with an agent, bigger ideas coming to fruition
- Do my first deep ass spirit journey consisting of Hapé, Kambo, Sananga, and 5-MeO DMT
- Ego Death
- Go to Tulum with mom
- Turn 28. Have hot birthday sex.
- Became obsessed with learning Spanish (hello Duolingo)
- Do a 3.5g solo Magic Mushroom ceremony
- Ego death, Rebirth, Healing
- Immediately stop Only Fans & halt IG posting
- Learn Women’s Self-Defense from Kaimi
- Reconnect with best friend
- Start prioritizing my words, ideas, and step into my calling
- Realize my truth, and feel a sense of freedom within for the first time in my adult life
- Begin to organize & simplify lifestyle practices.
- Lots of exciting business stuff happening (TBA)
- Start school to become Certified Sex Educator
- Second sprit journey (Hapé, Kambo, Sananga, and 5-MeO DMT). This time with my ex.
- Ego death, catastrophic identity shift
- Ex falls in love. Time to navigate a new relationship.
- Biden wins, sense of relief
- Head to Dad’s for Thanksgiving, see him & step-mom through a new set of eyes
- Become a Steeler’s Fan again to connect with dad (lol)
- Buy a gun (lol some more)… apocalypse ready
- Spin up 1:1 Coaching Sessions
- Camille gets involved with @thesexden
- Honoring project process and progress
- Have a deep understanding for who I am, what, and who I want
- Feel more grateful, present, alive, focused, happy, centered, sure than I ever have in my whole entire life
Hiiiii! Are you still with me? After reading all of that, I’m really REALLY proud of myself. What I left out of there is ironically, my sexual activity. I also left out financial uncertainty, so much time spent intentionally alone, navigating single life during a pandemic with a ridiculously high sex drive, learning that my body is capable of really amazing things (squirting, pole dancing, martial arts), creating a ton of sex-positive content while trying to not get shadow banned from IG for the 10th time, and loving my dog to the point where it’s a weird obsession. Also, I drank a gallon of water almost every single day. This B is hydrated, okay?
Welp, that about does it. That was my 2020 and wow. I can now exhale. I encourage you to do what I just did. Make a giant list of all you’ve been through. Be it emotional, physical, spiritual, or tangible. It all counts. You are here today because of this year. There was loss. There was light. There was triumph. There was joy. There was heartache. There was mess. There was squeaky clean. The important thing is, YOU ARE HERE! And I am so so happy that you are.
Time for you to show up for you and choose your path forward. Changing your life does take time, but it can also happen with one decision. That’s the beautiful part. Get living. Start right now. If you’d like support, I’m here for you.
In addition to that large and detailed life-dump, I want to share a few things other 2020 recaps that I feel are worth noting. I truly LOVE what I’ve linked. Mama shewolf won’t lead you astray.
Top 5 Blog Posts (reader’s choice)
I’M ON A SEX HIATUS: HERE’S THE JUICE
I SQUIRTED FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT WASN’T WHAT I EXPECTED
SEX HIATUS OVER: YOU WON’T BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU
I’M QUITTING ONLY FANS: HERE’S THE JUICE
MY WEIRD BUTTHOLE, PUSSY POSITIVITY, & MIRROR MASTURBATION GUIDE
Items I Bought that I Loved
–Trace minerals electrolyte packets
–All of these delicious sex-related-items
–Longer charging cords for my phone
–Berkey water filter (pricey, but worth it)
–Several of my favorite journals
–Vitamix (Again, pricey, but worth it.)
Books I Read
Things I Watched
Avatar
New Girl
Step-Brothers
The Office
Green Arrow
The 100
I’m gonna lay on the breaks here, folx. I want to just keep writing to you because you feel like my bffs at this point, but I recognize your need for space, and I have a pup to cuddle and the final season of The 100 to watch.
I love you all and wish you so much freaking light. A surplus of light. Right when I typed that, a downpour of rain began to fall. In my book, that’s good luck because I love the rain. It has always done me right.
To 2021 and beyond! Ahhh! Yay! Yippee! Here we gooooo!
I love you all. Thank you for being here today and every day. Xo
Want more of me?
-Book a private call here
-Instagram page @thesexden
-Personal Insta @shewolflauren
