Hello! I hope you’re having a wonderful Labor Day. I had a terrific weekend, complete with an emotional breakthrough that will change my life forever. I will share more on that later, once I have more time to digest, but let me just say this: It changed my entire view of my sexuality and how I’ve been expressing myself to the world. I discovered a piece of me that has held me back since I was literally in elementary school. Sexually, and in every other aspect. So yeah, wow. I’m surprised I’m not in a tiny ball hyperventilating on the floor. Right now, writing to you feels right. Thank you for being here.
Wow, what a year 27 has been for me. 2020 has reshaped where I place value in my life and has opened my eyes to very deep parts of myself. Like deep deep down in my anus and beyond. A galaxy far far away in Laurenville. Anyone else???
Let’s get going on today’s topic, shall we?
I understand now more than ever that whether or not you identify as a sexual person, YOU ARE ONE. Kind of like even if you don’t care about politics, politics care about you. Ya feel me? Your sexuality isn’t something that you can detach from yourself because it is yourself. It is part of your energy, your chakras, your center. Having a healthy relationship with your sexuality is having a healthy relationship with yourself. Please let that sink in.
But DAMN! It can be hard, can’t it?! Like, so hard! Many of us (hi, I’m raising my hand), have lived much of our lives feeling negatively toward our sexual selves in some way or another. The cool thing is, just like we can train our brains to learn a new language, or solve a problem, or become a parental figure, we can train our brains to view sex more positively.
Over the past few years, learning about my sexual self has been an undercover mission for me, even though I didn’t realize it really until now. See, I’m learning here with you. I am still uncovering so much about myself and it’s really fun to share with my new blog pack. Soon you’ll be able to listen to me talk about these things too (hint, hint)… Follow @shewolftalks for more! Yahhh.
Claiming your own sexuality is extremely important for your overall wellbeing but like I said, it’s not as easy as just masturbating in the mirror a few times and feeling empowered. This is a process. And guess what… it doesn’t have to be that serious! It can be really, extremely fun! Like, so fun!! And that’s the best part. Remember that sex is actually a pleasurable experience. It’s creative and feels really effing good. So, yay! Winning!
Another bonus to doing sexual wellness work is your life as a whole will benefit. Just like I mentioned that your sexuality cannot be detached from you, I believe that it can’t be detached from other aspects of yourself either, so lots of what I suggest will benefit your whole life. Not just your sexual self. Have I convinced you yet?
Here are some of the things I’ve done over the past few years that have lead to breakthroughs along my sexual wellness journey. I encourage you to try them and let me know if you have others in the comments section!
1. Meditation or some form of focused, intentional breathing. When I first began to meditate, I had no idea where to start. I felt weird and like an imposter. But once I started just closing my eyes and focusing on the words inhale, exhale, I saw the power of this practice. I became more centered and present. I could better focus on areas of my energy that needed attention. Presence is the biggest gift we can give ourselves inside and outside of the bedroom. The book Search Inside Yourself (on Sale right now!) changed my life when it comes to meditation. It’s a fun and light read, and the author is a Google executive, so it’s not very “woohoo” if you’re worried about that. I also really like the app Insight Timer to begin tracking the time you’re spending meditating. They have tons of free visualizations and meditations. Helpful AF.
2. Journal daily, weekly, or whenever the hell you think about it. I know journaling isn’t for everyone, but I cannot even tell you how useful this practice has been for me. I look back to my journals from a few years ago, and they remind me of how far I’ve come. I can also see thought patterns and memories and it’s fun to do little analyses of myself. When you’re feeling anxious, journal. When you’re feeling vulnerable, journal. When you overcome something challenging, journal. When you are frustrated, journal. When you have great sex, journal. When you want something that you don’t have, journal.
The nice thing about journaling is you can write your worries or insecurities down and then put the to rest. When you have a place to house your emotions and thoughts, it frees up mental space to focus on other things. Like growth and smoothies. Yay.
Through journaling, I was actually able to learn that I was lying to myself quite often. This was a huge revelation and one that I credit specifically to my journaling habit. I’d look back at entries and remember feeling one way, but journaling something else. HELLO! NO BUENOOOOO! I only journal in one specific type of journal and that’s a Moleskine Classic Notebook (also on sale oddly enough!). I find them to be the perfect size, very aesthetically pleasing, and something about them just feels so right. I love the color varieties too. Of course, your journal, your choice, but make sure you actually like picking it up, and like having it around. Choosing a pen you like helps too. Or maybe I’m just really fucking particular and weird (I know this is true…lol).
3. Dancing very often. This revelation is new for me! I’ve always loved to dance, but I wasn’t aware of how much it impacts my sexuality. When I turn on music and groove, my body feels more wiggly and loose and happy and horny. My mind unwinds and boom, I feel free. I notice that when I’m not expressively moving my body, I’m less sexually driven. As I’m sure you’re aware, exercising in any regard raises sex drive, and has lots of other very important benefits. Bottom line, move your body. Even if it’s just stretching or doing a rigorous cleaning routine (vacuuming is not joke). Turn on some music, and vibe.
If you haven’t seen on my Instagram, I just put up a dance pole in my condo, and will share my pole adventures there. So far, so hard. I feel like an uncoordinated fire fighter, holding on for dear life and aimlessly spinning around. For now, it’s hilarious. AND THAT’S THE POINT! Not everything will just be easy right away or feel sexy. Some of this growth will feel uncomfortable, but push through that. Laugh at yourself a little bit. Life doesn’t have to be so serious. That stated, I’m very determined to get better! In the meantime, I do post tons of sexy dance videos exclusively on Only Fans. Check me out there for inspo!
4. Orgasms on the regular. Gents, you understand this one (masturbation wizards). Chicas, it’s time we do. I am assigning you more orgasms. They’re so important for your health and wellbeing! And also for your sex drive! The more you have, the more you want. Neglecting our sexual center (kitty kat purr) is like turning down free back massages. Why would we do this? Your clit is this bad-ass pleasure center that relieves your body of stress, tension and even cramps. Giving your puss attention is just really important. If you have a partner, das cool, but you don’t need one to give yourself this gift regularly.
5. Explore new things! Remember how sex is supposed to be full of fun and pleasure?? Let’s go ahead and explore new thangs. You will not like all of it, but all of it will be an experience none the less and you’ll learn more about what you do like! Here’s a really fun and kinky BDSM test to potentially explore new fetishes! You can take that alone, and here’s one you and your partner can each answer and see where you align! Maybe get some sexy lingerie and a pair of handcuffs, or a new vibrator, and just create some stories. Read last week’s blog post about masturbating in the mirror for something new. Maybe move a mirror in front of your bed, or have sex on the counter or the couch. For some of you, this may seem elementary, but for others, you’ve been having sex in the same positions in the same bed, with the same person for years! You don’t have to switch up all of it, but changing up something will be invigorating. Yasss! Invigoration station!
The more I’m writing right now, the more I realize that all the things I do to explore sexually should actually be a book. I’m going to stop with 5 because it’s really hard to implement one new habit, let alone 5! Don’t stress yourself out about doing all of these at once. Just try one, see how it feels, maybe move on, try something else, see how that feels. It’s all groovy. No pressure baby!
Your journey will be different from mine, but the above really helped me to have sexual breakthroughs, and more pleasure, and most importantly, more of an understanding of myself in relationship to sex. I’d love to hear more from you in the comments section!
Sending you pleasure and love today and always!