Hello hello hello and welcome to the Shewolf Lauren Blog, where I write about the nitty, the gritty, and the fabulous aspects of sex, love, and life.
The day is Monday, January 11, 2021 and I am having a wonderful day so far. I’m at my dad’s house in West Palm Beach, Florida, and I feel relaxed AF. I brought MoMo with me. She’s getting spoiled a ton and honestly has the worst gas at the moment. Gross, but she deserves to live a little.
Today, we are talking about Dicks. Big dicks, little dicks, thick dicks, thin dicks, circumcised dicks, uncircumsized dicks, curved dicks and everything in between. We’re talking about dicks because I love them and every time I do a Q&A, I get at least 15 questions from people with dicks about whether or not their dick is good enough.
Let me start by saying this: YOUR DICK IS GOOD ENOUGH. Your wiener is fantastic. You have everything it takes to be a sensational lover. There are people who want you all up inside of them! The size of your dick has nothing to do with your innate masculinity!
Okay, now that affirmation station is out of the way, I’m going to dive into something that isn’t discussed enough. Penis-positivity!
Here’s the thing: the media and masculine expectations aren’t just toxic for women, they are toxic for men as well. Because men are men and they have more privilege, we expect them to be confident, less-vulnerable, and self-assured. We think that women are the only ones that have to heal from unrealistic expectations place on us by society at large. This is some effed up b.s. because hello… men have wounds to heal too. Media tell them they’re too short, not muscular enough, not hung enough, not masculine enough. The list goes on.
It’s all toxic and we reject that toxicity here ladies and gents.
Yesterday, a man asked me during a Q&A on Instagram: “Does size really matter?”
My answer was: Yes. It matters. Is it the only thing that matters? No. Pleasure matters much more. Communication matters much more. And every sexual partner will have different preferences on size, or perhaps, no preference at all. In other words, one size does not fit all, so stop worrying as much about your size and focus more on using your mouth to communicate with partners. Pleasure > Size.
I’d like to expand on this because to no fault of the inquisitor’s own, I think he’s asking one thing, but meaning another. What he’s meaning to ask, I think, is:
Is size the only thing that matters? To which my answer is OF COURSE NOT.
I’ve been with men with giant wieners, but they weren’t pleasure-centered lovers. I’ve been with men wielding average size wieners, and they were sensational, thoughtful, and orgasmic! Although I tend to prefer larger junk, I have friends that really don’t like large junk because it hurts them. They can’t do their favorite moves. Thus, size matters, but not in the way you’re asking the question.
Let’s imagine for a second that size is the only things that matters, and you have a smaller penis. What are you going to do? Be devastated and have sad sex your whole life? Hell no!
Let’s imagine for a second that size is the only thing that matters, and you have a huge penis. What are you going to do? Rely on your size as the marker of being a good lover? Hell no!
Repeat after me: The size of my dick alone does not a good lover make.
Again: The size of my dick alone does not a good lover make.
I made that sentence poetic so you can sound cool saying it. You’re welcome.
Now that we’ve verbalized that size is not the ONLY thing that matters, let’s move into how to engage in sexual encounters with confidence and the tools you need to succeed!
Number 1: Use your mouth TO COMMUNICATE. Can you imagine? Instead of asking whether or not size matters, what if we instead ask, How do I better please my partner? Now THAT is some sexy shit right there.
Before your potential new lover even sees your dick, you can do a number of things to make a sex session more fantastic, more pleasure centered, and less revolved around your G-unit:
First: Don’t assume shit. It is imperative that you learn your partner’s body. Ask them what they like in bed before you’re even in bed (or wherever you’re going to bump uglies). It’s time to check your ego at the door here and actually listen. Do not assume that you know everything about how to please a woman just because it’s worked on previous partners. Something that works for one person will not work for everyone.
Second: Do not fly past foreplay. During the touching, licking, kissing, biting, grinding, breathing, connecting, dirty talking, phase of your sexual encounter, ask your partner if they like what you’re doing. If they want you to continue doing what you’re doing. Try to feel the way their body is responding. This doesn’t have to be distinct pauses in action, it can be part of your foreplay. All of this is PART OF SEX. Remember, getting to know your partner is sexy AF… even if it’s just a one-night stand. ESPECIALLY if this is your long-term partner.
Third: Own your penis. When you’re ready to have penetrative sex, or your partner is going to take you in their mouth, own your penis. He’s the only one you’re going to get, and he’s your friend and companion. He is your center of pleasure and you’re proud of him. That’s that. Be excited to use him and share him. If you’ve done what I’ve suggested above, your size at this point likely won’t be a huge focal point because you’ve prioritized their pleasure. Full steam ahead, partner! Now you can panic less about your size because you know that you’ve done what you can to please your partner. To connect with your partner. You’re just in such a better position than if you worry only about your size and let that DICKtate your interaction.
If you have been with partners that have shamed you for your size, I want to be sympathetic to that. I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m sorry that you’re nervous about this aspect of your sexuality. You can still reclaim your penis and own that he is yours. And that you love him. And that he is awesome.
Women go through this all the time (with basically every part of our body). Our boobs, butts, lips, vulvas. We are constantly being commented on by other people, and trying to heal from societal expectations and pressures. So many of us are having our own insecurities during sexual encounters too, so you’re not alone in this.
Just as we can, you too can heal, and have a great relationship with your dick. This applies to all dick owners. Big, small, medium, curved alike. This blog post is cousins with another one I wrote titled Big Dick Energy Ain’t All That. I’d suggest reading that one too.
There, I tried to keep today brief, and I succeeded for the first time in my blog writing life. If you’re reading this, please comment what makes sex good to you? I’d like to know in the comments below!
If you’d like some help feeling more positive about your penis, I offer 1:1 Private Sessions to discuss exactly this type of thing. You can learn more and book here.
Okay, I love you! You’re awesome! Go out and have Covid-negative, communication-positive, confidence-enhanced sex! Ou! Ou! Ouuu!
My sister, Camille, and I talked all about HOW TO SHOOT YOUR SHOT in last week’s Wednesday LIVE! @thesexden. Each Wednesday we talk about new topics that relate to sex, love, and self-improvement. Last week, we dove into how to making a good first impression when you’re sliding into DMs, shooting your shot at the grocery store, or starting a conversation with a match on a dating profile. This week, we’re discussing PENIS POSITIVITY. So much YES! Watch now on IGTV.
Want more of me?
-Book a private call here
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