A simultaneous warning and welcome celebration!
Happy Monday. Today felt like a Monday to me.
I went to bed last night like YES tomorrow is Monday and it’s going to be great and so much fun. And then this morning I woke up and it was like a train hit my body all over and even my dog, MoMo, was confused.
But then I just did 300 little tasks and now I feel better after watching nearly 64 episodes of New Girl. How did I not know this show existed until last month? Thank you to my sister for sabotaging my life by introducing me to the incredibly addicting series.
So I’ve been thinking a lot about what to talk with you about this week. I have a few ideas, but I am going to go with a more PG version before I dive right in to the more x-rated (yet educational and funny) topics I have planned for the future. This is kind of a warning, but also a welcome ceremony for the content I’m about to put out.
I’m in the process of streamlining my writing/photos/videos/etc on all platforms to discuss matters regarding sexual exploration. Upcoming topics will frequently be in that realm, but I want to tell you that before I just 3,2,1, BLASTOFF send a message about how I repetitively tried to make myself squirt this week.
Ha! See it’s a little intense, but I want to tell you all these funny ass stories and sexual experiences and opinions that I have oh so many of regarding sex.
I’m diving into my passion and my vagina (or vulva) (or both/and?), and now you’ve been warned and welcomed! It’s going to be hilarious and fun, and educational and really fucking open. I’ll still have topics like today’s, but they’ll be peppered in and the main course will be orgasmic shenanigans. Idk why the food metaphors. I’m just going to roll with it.
Okay, for tonight’s topic…
I was running this set of awesome stairs here in Southern California and this guy made eye contact with me. Totally cool. Eye contact happens.
And then as I was on my 24th jump squat, he kind of shuffled over to me very out of breath and nervous and starting making small talk about how he just moved here from Texas. He wanted to know how long I’ve lived here, and if I went to college here, and all those kinds of questions. I knew where it was headed, so I did my kind answer thing, and very suddenly interjected with, “Anyway, I hope you have a terrific rest of your workout!” He got the hint, and said very disappointedly, “Thanks. You too.”
Okay, this story isn’t exciting, and you’re like, why the hell are you telling me this?
And here’s why.
I spent the next 10 minutes (at least) talking to myself like this:
-Did you just dismiss him without giving him a chance?
-Gosh, I hope I didn’t hurt his feelings.
-Maybe I should have suggested some places for him to check out in San Diego
-Wow, he probably worked up the courage to come over here, and I just shunned him away.
-I hope he doesn’t feel really discouraged and that he tries again with someone else
And on and on.
To be clear, I was not attracted to this man energetically or physically, and I was in the middle of a workout, and I’m in the fucking process of falling in love with myself OKAY, so I had absolutely no reason to entertain this experience.
After those 10 minutes of questioning and inner dialogue ceased, I began to question why I was even questioning my level of kindness to that man in the first place.
I was nice to him. I stated what I wanted to say. And I was able to continue on with my workout. Yet in some odd way, I felt guilty for letting this random man stranger down.
This happens to women all the time. It doesn’t matter how powerful. It doesn’t matter how articulate and sure of ourselves we are. To many of us, this guilt of hurting a man’s ego happens a lot. I know this because I hear stories like this of varying degrees.
Unfortunately even stories like this in sexual settings where friends have had so much trouble saying no, and don’t, when they really don’t want to have sex with the person coming on to them.
I feel like we’re in this era of questioning all that’s around us, and this is something I wanted to check myself on today. And to check you on too.
Here’s the thing: I did absolutely nothing wrong today. Even if I had said to him “Hey man, I’m working out, and don’t want to talk at all.” That would have been okay!
I was in my space, working out next to my dog. At peace in my thoughts, and I really didn’t want to be bothered.
Instead, I was interrupted, was really effing nice, politely declined his advance before an advance even occurred, and then questioned the shit out of myself for at least 10 minutes. Blah. I hate that.
So I’m sharing it with you.
It’s okay to honor yourselves, ladies (and gents, if you’re here). It’s okay and encouraged to say things that feel right in your heart without overcompensating and feeling guilty about it. It’s all groovy. And we need to get more comfortable saying no.
Say no to shit you don’t like. It’s really hard at first. I’ve been practicing saying no for years now, and I still have experiences like I had today. But the point is, we have to get better at this as a collective. Better at putting ourselves first, and not questioning that dedication to what our hearts desire.
Idk if this is all coming together, and I’m really not great at conclusions (since like 3rd grade this has been an issue, ask my mom), but I hope you’re getting the point.
Practice saying no. It shouldn’t feel like death to let others down. It’s part of life and dudes let us down all the time. We just get over it. And so will they. Boy, bye.
Alright, signing off. I love ya’ll mucho.