Hi! Holy SHEEEIIIITTT happy Monday October, 12 you beautiful human beings!
It feels like every week of my life continues to become more intriguing, but this past one was sensational.
I did a tribal, herbal, hallucinogenic, healing ceremony on a river, then stayed at The Mission Inn, a hotel built in 1876, and it threw me back into a European adventure in my head. Then I stayed at my parents’ farm/vineyard property for two nights while family visited, which was basically just a 2 day feast. I’m wanting to fast for the next 3 weeks because the salt bloat is real. I also started Accutane (after 14 years of struggling with acne), so my lips feel like they’re falling off, but I’m really excited to at least be feeling some kind of something this fast. Oh! And my brother-in-law and I pulled off a big surprise to present my sister with a beautiful ring (they’re already married, but hadn’t done rings yet, and he wanted it to be special). ‘Twas a wonderful week.
ANNNNNDDDD I still haven’t had sex. At this point, it’s maddening, and I’m forgetting what dick looks like. I know that I’ll have sex soon, and I’ll share all the juicy details with you because it will be orgasmic and fab and fun. Hopefully. I’ll share with you, too, if it’s bad. Or even just mediocre.
Okay, let’s rock, let’s rock today (If you don’t get this reference, bye). But also hi. I still love you.
Today, I’m teaching you how to chose the best sex toy for you using my favorite sex toys as examples. I’ve recently received lots of DMs that say something along the lines of “I want to masturbate, but I don’t even know where to start. How do I chose the right toy for me?”
I remember when I started masturbating in college, I felt SO LOST. And that made me feel bad about myself because there was already shame associated with the act alone, and I didn’t want to feel like I had no idea what I was doing. I was fumbling around like a bad quarterback.
Lucky for you fabulous humans, I became a good quarterback (just like you will), and I now have a large chest full of sex toys. Today, I’m giving you the low down on my favorites. This post is not sponsored. I do have a discount code for you, however, that’s still active for Adam & Eve if you want to get a lil discount bc I LOVE YOU.
Here we go!
When you’re starting to use sex toys: The first thing I’d consider is pleasure. If you’re currently having orgasms, or have had orgasms in the past, how do they happen? I you haven’t, what feels best for you when you’re having a sexual interaction? Finding your favorite sensations will help picking something out.
If you don’t know the answer to any of those questions: Fabulous! You’re starting from a clean slate and the world is your oyster (or clam). Don’t overthink it, pick one, and go!
*Note, I think it’s really important to feel your vagina work toward orgasm, and pulse when you’re cumming so you can feel the way you move and feel pleasure with your own hands. Just like I think you need to watch yourself in the mirror. If you’re just starting, however, this can take forever and feel frustrating. Using toys to help you cum is totally normal, encouraged, and wonderful. Once you get the hang of self-pleasure, you can start having self-pleasure marathons (lol) where you try a bunch of different things, including your hands.
**Second note: Do NOT expect yourself to cum like women “cum” during porn. Unless you’re paying for porn that is feminist and realistic in nature, you’ve probably digested a bunch of bullshit information on how you should experience pleasure. Guys, read this section too. You need to know that porn is NOT sex ed. It’s entertainment… much like Pirates of the Caribbean. It’s beautiful and cool and it’s also directed with a million lights, cameras, and action. It’s not real, and you need to know that. Now let’s get aroused, shall we?
Typically, if you’re just starting to masturbate, or you’re picking it back up, say… after a long relationship, or to spice things up, clit stimulation is a good place to start.
Bullet Vibrator: The first, and most simple toy I think you must have is a basic bullet vibrator. A bullet vibrator was the first I ever had, and I still use this constantly. I love a bullet because they’re discrete, they’re travel friendly, they always get the job done, and they have simple design. Typically, battery life is pretty great, and if you’re incorporating during sex, they don’t get in the way, and can be used in a variety of positions. Here are two of my favorites, but any bullet vibrator will do. I also like a bullet when you’re just beginning because your hand is close to your skin, and it’s intimate when you’re just exploring your body. Important.
Wand Vibrator: Second, try a wand vibrator. These are EXCELLENT for clitoral stimulation. These are the same concept as a bullet, but you have a bit more mobility and surface area. They are also typically more powerful, and can be cordless or plugged into the wall. If you want a guaranteed orgasm, these are pretty much a sure shot. I usually cannot go to the full-power setting on these because it can be so intense. Wand vibrators are sometimes sold in stores at airports and other random places rebranded as “personal massagers”. Yes, sometimes they’re so powerful that you can go from clit stimulation to neck relief in one fell swoop. Count me in. My new favorite is this pink one. My discount code is SHEWOLF for 50% off almost any item and free shipping (I don’t get paid to say this).
Suction vibrators: This category is TBD. I have not tried suction vibrators yet, but I have heard amazing things. When I try one, I’ll let you know. Can’t wait.
Dildos: This is a pretty new category for me, as I was convinced that my g-spot didn’t exist. As you know (if you’ve been a good Shewolf Lauren reader), I recently discovered that I can squirt and now it’s so much fun. I bought my first ever dildo, and I credit this little beauty to helping me achieve that.
Realistically, you can pretty much put anything up your vaginal canal if you want to (proceed with caution), but I recommend a phallic shaped object. I haven’t been having sex, and sometimes when I’m masturbating, I feel the need to feel something inside me too, so I use my trusty dildo, and I LOVE IT. If you really like being railed, go ahead and get one of these puppies. Keep in mind, if you don’t currently have any sex toys, I wouldn’t just start with a dildo because most women do cum more easily and more intensely with clitoral stimulation alone.
I love dildos for practicing riding (a topic I’ll cover soon), and practicing head/deep throating. If you’re feeling extra adventurous, you can stick the dildo up your ass on a Friday night. I said what I said. P.s. Get lube for these adventures.
When choosing a dildo, go for a size that you prefer. This one is 8 inches and I love that size. If you prefer smaller, go with a dildo that fits your needs. They’re not crazy expensive, and they’re very easy to use. Love that.
When you’re using a dildo, you can use your little bullet vibrator or want too for a double up good time.
Clitoral & G-spot Party
Rabbit Vibrators: These toys are often referred to as rabbit something or other. While I do like these toys, I saved them for ½ way down the post beucase I don’t think they’re as effective if you’re just wanting to learn how to make yourself cum. For about the first 4 years of masturbating, I didn’t put anything inside me. When I talk to women about masturbating, most don’t start putting things inside them until they’ve really explored the clit aspect. I do however LOVE this toy, an think anyone can use it.
It’s a clitoral stimulation, g-spot heaven fest. I’m having fun coming up with this terminology.
Sometimes, I just use the phallic part and just grind into it while it’s vibrating. The option of penetration is there with this toy (unlike a bullet or wand), but you can just use it on your clit too. If you use both functions, it’s intense. Not my person favorite. But intense none the less.
Sometimes I notice that I’ll have a little less powerful of an orgasm because the vibration inside me confuses my vagina or something. Overall, I do think that you at least need to try a toy like this. It’s a right of passage.
Here’s where I’m going to include a bonus round.
I wrote a blog post about my weird butthole, so you know we haven’t always been homies. But I hope you and your butthole are homies, and we can open our bootyhole horizons together.
I’ve recently been exploring my back door and OMG! It’s a pleasure portal I didn’t give nearly enough credit in the past.
My two go-to toys in this category are:
Anal Beads: I prefer black because of doo doo. Sorry, but yeah, that shit can happen. Especially if you’re new to it and don’t have an anal douching routine on lock down. Anal beads are great because most of them have a gradual size increase and you can slowly ease in to expansion. They’re easy to remove, and for the most part, they’re pretty fool-proof. You can put them in and do house chores or just lay in your bed. You can also put them in while using other toys on other parts. I love options.
Butt plugs: I just invested in some glass butt plugs of various sizes, and they’re going to be my new bffs. I saw that these are great for training because they have a nice weight and shape. Glass is always superior in my book. So easy to clean, and they feel more elegant. They’re so smooth and they’re awesome. They have little stoppers at the end, so you don’t have to worry about them getting lost in the abyss.
I wouldn’t say this category is for beginners, but it is a category I wish I had known more about earlier on. I’m all about pleasure, and this is a commonly missed opportunity for more of that.
Okay, I’m going to stop there because this is a lot already, and I purposefully didn’t dive into couples toys or BDSM stuff because Imma save that for another time. These toys are for you and you. Incorporating them into couple play is fabulous and the good news is these are all available for that!
I can’t wait to hear about your experiences with these toys!
Let me know how this post helps you! As always, I appreciate you sharing this on your Instagram and other mediums!
-Personal Insta @shewolflauren
Happy Cumming! Love you!
Welp, I type this as I sit post-orgasm naked in bed… the VERY FIRST TIME in my 27 years of living that I masturbated not only with the lights on but to myself looking in the mirror. I could cry. My instinct is to always make it dark, watch quick porn, make myself cum and then feel ashamed. But this feels so empowering. Porn makes me feel gross most times… but getting off to myself just felt beautiful. Brb crying. I have never seen myself cumming let alone looked at my body in a sexy way naked. THANK you for this very empowering experience. I just might try that again… like right now 😉
Steph, reading this makes me cry too! I am SO HAPPY for you! It makes my heart sing. You rock babe!