Yo yo yo what it do what it do?
This is Shewolf Lauren and I’m coming for youuuuu.
Something has happened to me, and I can’t stop rhyming, but I’m just going to roll with it and hope for the best. Anyway, it feels like December has been long AF. Maybe because everything is gearing toward Christmas and folks are focused on 2020 being over once and for all. I just wrote an e-mail about my 2020 feels and it’s juicy. It’s going out tomorrow morning, and I don’t want you to miss it! I send out special little affirmations, updates, and specials there. Sign up for it here!
I’m spending some time up at my parent’s in wine country, and wow, it feels so wonderful to breathe in fresh air away from the city. It makes me want to buy a plot of land in the middle of nowhere so I can just hide and write and drink water and burn sage and play with MoMo. Yes please.
Before I begin today, I have some exciting news!
I’m now offering 1:1 Private Sessions. I love writing to you all here, answering e-mails, and doing Q&As on Instagram, but I’m ready to dive deeper with ya’ll. The thing about sex, love, and relationships is that they’re all pretty specific to who we are as individuals, our experiences, our perceptions. During 1:1 sessions, we get into that. I’m able to help you on a much more personalized level and I love that.
I’m running an introductory sale on privates until January 1, 2021! Take $15 off your first session now! Shoot me an e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org with any questions. Xo
Okay, on to regularly scheduled programming. I’ve got a fire story for you 😉
This week, I did something risky. VERY RISKY. And it was so rewarding.
Here’s some background: I live in a really quiet building in San Diego. By quiet, I mean that I barely ever see my neighbors. I feel like I’m out and about A LOT, so either all of them are hobbits, or we just randomly have very misaligned schedules.
Regardless of the reason, it’s rare that I see the same person more than maybe once a month.
The other day, I was in the parking garage on my way to the elevator when I saw my hot-ass neighbor pulling in. I had only seen him two other times during my 7 months of living in the building, so this was exciting. He kind of looks like your basic baseball player (not usually my type) except for he’s naturally really muscular and has deep eyes. Yum.
I hoped that the elevator would be slow so I could ride him. Oops, I mean ride up with him. To my delight, it was slow AF. He got out of his car, and walked up to the elevator, where I was now waiting with so much shit in my hands – per usual.
Because I had my skis, poles, two boxes, and a bag, we started talking about skiing, Denver, and why I had so much stuff. We laughed and kind of flirted a little bit. When we were getting out of the elevator, he asked if I wanted help bringing my stuff to my place, and I took him up on it. As we walked to my place, we chatted for a minute before another neighbor walked by and our conversation was interrupted.
When he walked back to his unit, I felt like I had not given off “ask me to hang vibes.” Sometimes I can be kind of dominant & intimidating. I know that, so I’ll self-scan and turn that off during an interaction if I can tell the other person isn’t going to see through it.
Knowing that I wouldn’t see him again for another THREE MONTHS or so given the current run-in schedule, I decided to do something I had utilized in the past. I decided to write him a note.
I love to write (hi, we’re on my blog here), but even more so, I love to express myself and speak my truth.
Although I had decided to write the note, I felt really nervous to do this for a myriad of reasons:
What if he thinks I’m so weird.
What if he has a girlfriend, and she finds it, and tries to kill me in my sleep.
What if he doesn’t like chicks with shaved heads.
What if he thinks I’m a stalker.
What if the note blows off of his car and another neighbor finds it and he never gets it.
What if I start seeing him every single day all of a sudden.
The list of doubts goes on, and gets significantly more dramatic, so I’ll spare you.
On the flip side:
What if he reads the note and knocks on my door and we start making out and I get pregnant.
What if he’s my husband.
What if he’s already in love with me and has been waiting to tell me.
What if we have the best sex ever every single day at 7am.
What if he’s vegan too and it’s so much fun to eat food together.
The list of pros goes on and on, and I basically hit you with all the drama above.
Alright, so what did I decide to do?
I WROTE THE NOTE
And like the bad ass betch that I am, I put that note in the handle of his door after much deliberation about the best location for the tiny piece of paper.
I then became Usain Bolt, sprinted to my Prius, and screeched out of the garage like a psycho before almost hitting a pole. I FACETIMED my bestie, Connor, to obsess for like 15 minutes about if leaving the note was the right decision.
Okay, wow. The more I type, the more embarrassing this all becomes. Here’s the thing, I can say without much hesitation that I am a damn confident woman. What I can also say is ANYTIME I make the first move with a man. Anytime I stick my neck out in a vulnerable way. I get so nervous, and almost DIE. What is that???
I think it’s a combo of two main players: 1. Societal expectations that the man makes the first move and 2. Me not wanting the get rejected.
Now that we’ve gone through the pain of my note leaving decision making, it’s time for the juicy part of my story.
The moment you’ve all been waiting for! HOW DID HE REACT?!
I’m so happy to tell you that like 20 minutes after I left the note, I got a text from him saying that he was so happy to get my message. He immediately invited me over for dinner and asked what I like to drink.
That same night, he made me dinner and we literally cuddled and talked all night. He even had yummy candles lit and his place is decorated so beautifully. Since then, we’ve made the sweetest love, and we’re talking non-stop. I’m so happy I took the risk and put myself out there!
JUST KIDDING. That is not what happened at all.
What actually happened was so not great, and that’s what I’d like to tell you about today.
What actually happened is that he didn’t text me for almost FOUR FUCKING DAYS. So I waited in sporadic agony, hoping that he’d say something, anything, before seeing him face-to-face again. Can you imagine, we see each other in the elevator, both knowing that I left the note, but neither of us wanting to mention it. Hahahaha it’s so cringe.
Okay, so he texted me a photo of the note, as it rested on his muscley leg, and just said “I got the note! That was very sweet of you.”
Initially, I thought, okay, maybe he’s just shy, but I’m glad he acknowledged it. I can work with that!
But the texting conversation was so lame. So mundane. It was like pulling teeth with no reciprocated questions, and no mention of getting together. I could only infer that he was not interested at all. So, I let the conversation die out, and decided to reflect on one, how people can be so boring (lol) and two, the whole experience.
I was happy to at least know whether or not my hot-neighbor-steamy-convenient-sex fantasy had legs. Turns out it didn’t. But at least I know.
The only way I know is because I put myself out there. I did the damn thing.
Here in lies the lesson of the week. YOU WILL ONLY KNOW IF YOU GO FOR IT.
Whether or not the note went over swimmingly, there’s a relief in wanting to do something, doing it, and having a result. I actually love that shit.
My message today is not one of victory, but I do have those. I do have stories of putting myself out there and getting EXACTLY what I want. Whether that is a man, or a career opportunity.
You won’t always get what you want, but let me just say this:
If you ask for it, you’ll get what you want more often than if you never ask at all.
We’re coming up on a new year. A new year to step into who and what we want to be. It’s the perfect time to say what you feel. To stop hiding behind your excuses, and just take a leap.
Yes, it’s scary. Yes, you might fail. But what if you don’t? What if you do meet the love of your life? What if you have the best sex ever? What if you move to a new city and land a dream job? What if your life is so awesome that you don’t even know what to do with yourself?
Those are the questions worth asking.
WHAT IF BABY?! WHAT IF?
I like to think about the upside. If it’s better or equal to the downside, I do it.
Of course rejection is terrifying, so if you need to amp yourself up, read this post I wrote about why rejection is imperative to living a fulfilled life.
In 2021, let’s get busy showing up for ourselves, putting ourselves out there, and having mind-blowing orgasms. Yeah? Okay, fab!
I love you all. Thank you for being here today and every day. Xo
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