Okay, but really, hiiiii. I feel like it’s been way more than a week since I last wrote to you, but here we are. Since I last wrote, I changed things up on Instagram a bit as I’m sure you’ve seen. I also kind of feel like a new person is emerging out of my chest, which is A LOT to process in one tiny week. But I’ll try for y’all!
To start, I changed my name back to @ShewolfLauren because I had a realization that I’ve been closeting my freaky self and I want to go back to expressing more of my dominant badass shewolf side. More on this in a moment.
I’m also about to get my period, so I’m feeling bloated and scattered.
Okay, back to me being my freaky self.
When Jason and I started dating (OMG! our two year anniversary is this week!), I knew that I could never be in a fully monogamous relationship. I’m just too damn curious to be with one person and one gender forever. Luckily, he felt the same way, so we started our relationship being really open and honest and exploring A LOT. At the same time, I started to question a lot of the programming that existed inside me. (If you’d like an e-mail or a video about our open relationship, please respond to this e-mail, or send me a DM).
Years of trying to downplay my curiosity and pleasure seeking. Years of shame surrounding sex and sensuality. Years of pretending to express myself to the masses, but hiding behind “an educated and classy” façade. Years of being a people pleaser, but not a Lauren pleaser.
That ends now. I will no longer hide who I want to be and what I want to do with my life because I am afraid of what others think of me.
I have, unbeknownst to me, been doing this unpacking for the past few years. Exploring the world of open relationships and swinging helped me to see women in another light. It helped me cheer for them. It helped me base sex in pleasure and not in performance. It helped me realize that I really love being an exhibitionist and getting attention for the body I’ve worked so hard to love.
All of this at first made me feel like less of a stand up citizen. I still felt shame and nerves as I explored this new world that I so desperately wanted to learn more about. But what has happened through these last couple of years? I discovered what it means to be my kind of woman.
I would have never learned what it meant to be my kind of woman if I hadn’t have started exploring “the lifestyle” as swinging is often called. I would have always been “his kind of woman” or “their kind of woman” if I hadn’t have let my freak flag fly.
The point I’m trying to make clear is we have to START. If you’re curious about something, anything, start making moves to find out if it’s what you love. It can be hard, and daunting, and shameful (lots of shame), but if we don’t break through those barriers, our lives will be over before we get the chance to express who we are, and that’s just a sad way to go out. Your time is now.
Post the booty pic. End the relationship. Have a consensual threesome. Lick a vagina. Quit your job, and start the photography business. Talk to your friends about what you’re into. OR find new friends who are into what you’re into. But above all, DO YOU. Because you’re the only person who can. Nobody else can DO YOU for you.
Today, I encourage you to express whatever side of yourself you’re holding in. For some of us, it’s creating art, for other’s it’s writing, perhaps even acting, or photography. Whatever it is for you, I want you to GO DO IT.
I don’t know about you, but my intuition resides in my chest. When I’m not doing what I love, I start to get frustrated with everything and kind of annoyed by life. I felt that way for the last threeish years, and it has just now started to dissipate because I finally feel like my heart and my actions are in line. Again, that would have never happened if I had not started.
START honey. Start.