Hi! How are you bad ass people? I hope you’re thriving and well on the last day of August, and if you’re not, know that this too shall pass! I’m in a jump right in kind of mood, so… I’m going to lead with this:
Your pussy is beautiful exactly the way she is. She’s a unique flower and there is nothing wrong with her appearance. If you’re reading this and a vulva is not a part of your body, this is a reminder that all vulvas are beautiful and how dare you ever suggest otherwise.
Boom! I said it! And I mean it! This blog post is dedicated to you honoring the body part that brought us into this world!
Quick story time: So I did a really risqué professional photo shoot this past week, and it was the first time that I really saw my vulva (inner labia, outer labia, and clitoris… commonly mistaken for the term “vagina”), and my asshole up close and personal in high production quality. When I saw that little lady, my initial reaction was not immediately one of admiration. Rather, I was pretty critical of myself.
Contrary to the admiration my butthole receives from sexual partners (thank you ass eaters a plenty), I’ve always been self-conscious it! When I was a kid, I tore it somehow and it healed with this little button looking thing on it. HAHAHAH (sub to my Only Fans to see her in all her glory). I’m actually laughing out loud right now as I type this and want you to know.
Snowballing off of my very detailed explanation of my anus, I also never realized until viewing these photos, that I literally have no taint. Like no space at all between my puss and my asshole. What?! Astounding. Damn! Okay!
I sat with these photos for a while and just looked at them. Then headed over to the mirror, and compared the photos with the real deal. After several minutes of doing this, I actually started to get turned on and was like okay, this whole unit between my legs is actually fire. She’s cute as hell and I love her! She provides me with orgasms and pleasure, and periods, and reproductive potential and elimination in different forms. And wow! I began to really admire and enjoy looking at the photos and myself in the mirror. My pussy (and my butthole for that matter) are art!
Before I could move on, I got my vibrator, and went to town while I watched myself in the mirror. Hell yes.
Surprise! I do this often. This is where I tell you that I want you to do the same.
Yes, I want you to grab a mirror, grab a vibrator, or a dildo, or just your hand or WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO MASTURBATE WITH and get busy celebrating your pussy while you watch yourself.
Listen gal pals, WAY too many of us dislike the way our pussies look and it breaks my heart. It also causes some serious self-conscious behavior and can even limit our pleasure. If we roll up to a date or meet some person out that we want to hook up with, but we’re worried about what our vulvas look like, our pleasure is not going to be on point if we’re all worried about them seeing this lil kitty in all its glory.
In a 2019 survey, Refinery 29 asked 3,670 women about their vaginas, and 48% of the participants had concerns with the way their vulvas looked! This dissatisfaction is right in line with rising prevalence of labiaplasty and vaginal bleaching around the world. Boo.
This isn’t me shaming you if you want those types, or have had those types of surgeries. This is me telling you that your vulva, exactly the way it is, is beautiful and NORMAL.
Here’s something I’d love to catch on… Body Positivity but for pussies. OMG! Pussy Positivity! Is this happening right now? I think yes.
As a resistance to unrealistic beauty standards, the body positivity movement grew in popularity, but what about the parts of our bodies that we don’t typically put on display? Our most sacred centers. We don’t really have a movement to help us feel comfortable with what our pussy/butthole region looks like.
Many photographers have made books about what different vulvas look like to help women feel comfortable and reclaim their pussies, but in an age where pornography is so available and real sexuality is still so taboo (and so censored) in the mainstream, it’s up to us to take our power into our own hands.
A PUSSY POSITIVITY REVOLUTION I can’t get over this. How wonderful.
Alright, so much more to cuuummmm in regards to pussy positivity, but for now, I’m going to wrap this article up by detailing how you are going to masturbate in the mirror.
Masturbating in the Mirror: A step by step guide
You’re either going to need a hand mirror (they also have these at the dollar store), or some counter space in your bathroom. Or, if you have a full-length mirror (my fav way), put it on the floor, put a lil towel down, and sit in front of it.
Next, make the lighting nice for god sakes. Light some candles, or dim the lights. If you’re a music person, turn some on.
Although I highly encourage nudity for this exercise, if you don’t want to be fully naked, put on some lingerie, or your coziest shirt, or whatever the fuck you want.
Sit in front of the mirror without touching your vulva for a few moments and really just look at your girl.
If you notice negative or critical thoughts coming up about your pussy, recognize them. It’s natural to feel a little (or a lot) seen and nervous. For some of you, this will be your first time ever doing this, and that’s scary. It’s okay.
Where is this nervousness or shame coming from? Perhaps a sexual partner who said terrible things about her? Perhaps past trauma. Maybe your own expectation for what she should look like.
All of that is normal. Try to remind yourself that in this space, you are safe. You are with yourself. You have ownership and control of your body in this moment. Once you recognize the negativity arising, start to replace those thoughts with affirmations like:
My pussy (or whatever word you like) is beautiful.
My lips are perfect
My clit is a pleasure center
I love my pussy
I am perfect the way I am
My pussy, my pleasure
My pussy is mine
My pussy is sexy
I am sexy
As you start to slip into this new frame of mind, begin to touch yourself in whatever way feels best for you. If you’re not sure yet, that is normal too. Play around a little bit. Maybe rub your clit quickly or slowly, try different motions. Maybe put a finger inside yourself, put a few inside yourself. But mainly, do whatever feels best for YOU.
There is no right or wrong way to touch yourself, and if this becomes overwhelming, it’s okay to stop and try again at a different time.
The goal is not necessarily to orgasm, but if you feel turned on, and that’s available for you, see if you can watch your pussy pulse in pleasure as you hit a heightened arousal state. See if you can make eye contact with yourself, or watch how your body moves as you climb to climax.
When you feel like your solo-session is over, a few things may happen. You may start to feel some shame. You may feel really fucking excited and empowered. You may be in awe of your own body. You may want to just stay in front of the mirror and see all that you are. All of this is okay, and again, I urge you to really sit with your feelings.
As you’re closing up shop, make some eye contact with yourself and say out loud, “I love you” at least 3 times.
Remember, self-pleasure is as much part of self-care as doing a face mask every week. Your sexuality is as much a part of you as your hair and skin and nails.
This isn’t a one time bada bing bada boom sure fire way to love your pussy, but as a practice, I can, with confidence tell you that it’s going to help.
Whenever I’m having a sexual confidence slump, or I want to switch things up, OR I DON’T LIKE MY ASSHOLE, I do this act of self-love and it helps to turn my pussy frown upside down.
Thank you so much for coming to my Ted Talk. I am wishing you the absolute best on this journey and please feel free to share your experiences with me! I love you all. Pussy power babes! p.s. writing all of this turned me on, and now I need to get my self-love on too! xoxo