The erotic is calling…

This post was first shared in February 2024 from Temecula, California as part of my monthly love-letter series. 

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February 1, 2024

—From My Heart to Yours—

Hello wolf-pack,

Let me begin by saying, Happy New Year, honey! We haven’t corresponded yet in 2024, and I missed you in January. For me, January felt like it was 62 days long. Not in the sense that it dragged on, but in the sense that January 1st feels like a fond, distant memory. 

I’m writing to you this morning from Temecula, California by candlelight in my parent’s RV. It’s raining outside, and although I cannot go on my usual highly-coveted morning walk, I am in heaven. The rain is always my favorite.

Before we begin, I’m excited to share with you that as of January 23, 2024, after THREE YEARS of working toward it, I am officially a Certified Holistic Sex Educator from The Institute for Sexual Education and Enlightenment (ISEE). The course was over 200-hours and I learned an incredible amount about human sexuality. I’m happy to be able to incorporate what I’ve learned into my sex coaching, upcoming book, and online/in-person courses.

At the end of this love-letter, you’ll be receiving, you-guessed-it, another life-enhancing recipe. I was sitting on the airplane of all places, when a very engaging little woman popped up on my screen and taught me how to make arepas, a pre-Columbian corn flour pancake type thing. In Costa Rica, I made them almost every day for Camille, and I’ll be damned if I don’t have one with every single meal I eat now. They bring so much joy and comfort to my life! Viva arepas!

A New Year’s waterfall tale

As you know, I spent the holidays with my sister in Santa Teresa, Costa Rica, and we had just about the best time two people could have.

On New Year’s eve, we decided to go to sleep at 9pm, so we could wake up and head out to the Montezuma Waterfalls at sunrise.

On January 1st, we woke up at 5:00am, let the dogs out, and hopped onto Cami’s hog to make the 35 minute journey to the falls. We weren’t quite sure if her moto would make it up the hills with both of our weights, but Cami was such a good driver and we made it despite driving in the wrong direction for 20 minutes!

We arrived to the hike, and had lots of difficulty figuring out how to actually make it to the waterfalls. We ended up taking off our shoes, crossing a river, walking through mud, over roots, and holding onto ropes on the sides of rock faces before making it to our beautiful destination. Because we got there so early, what is normally a busy local attraction was our own private waterfall oasis for over an hour!

Like giddy little nymphs, we stripped off our bathing suits, jumped off the cliffs, did the backstroke, and swam with all the gusto we had to get under the powerful waterfall. Once under the cascading water, we hugged the rock forms by wedging the tips of our fingers into the rocks. We were able to achieve just enough stillness to notice the magic portal we were in as we hollered and screamed and called out in absolute awe and raw expression.

We squinted our eyes and looked up toward the water source exclaiming, “HAPPY NEW YEAR BABY!!!! THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT! WE LOVE YOU! THANK YOU!!!!” I don’t know how long we were screaming joyful expressions, but it was long enough that I thought I might loose my voice for a few days.

When our waterfall power session came to a natural close, we locked hands, held our breath, submerged our heads, swam under the waterfall, and popped out on the other side like two naked newborns emerging from Mother Earth’s exciting womb.

We swam out of the water, collected our items, and found a place to sit and meditate on the waterfall. We realized that if we looked at the waterfall for a while, and then looked at a stationary object next to it, psychedelic optical illusions would happen. We had laugh attack after laugh attack as we did this over and over again. I encourage anyone reading this to try it sometime. It’s a total trip!

Soon, families started showing up to our watering hole, and our alone time there was over. We hiked back passing groups of people and whispering to each other that we felt so cool for getting there early and having our special time together.

Opening to the erotic

Interestingly, these kind of magical happenings are not foreign to me. Especially over the past 3.5-years, I have found myself in so many situations that only seem possible in movies.

After our experience on New Year’s morning, I reflected on these occurrences and realized that they started really appearing in my life after I began opening myself up to the universe. When I started opening myself up to God.

When we open up to the divine, the divine opens up to us. It’s so scary at first to feel vulnerable and raw and soft because we have to let go of the narratives that have been protecting us from the potential for heartbreak our whole lives. 

I used to be so afraid of what life had to offer, that I hid behind a pseudo-confidence. I rushed through every stage of my life eager to cross off another milestone. I lived in a body that cared SO DEEPLY about how other people perceived me that I forgot to ask, “What do I think of myself?” I felt like a shell of a person, and I didn’t know how to express that.  I aimlessly moved through life without much understanding of what mattered to me.

As I became more intentional about feeling my feelings and seeing the world through an erotic lens, it became natural to stop and smell the roses. Literally.

When I say “erotic” I don’t necessarily mean something sexual per-se. I mean it in the way Esther Perel defines it, “The qualities of vitality, spontaneity, and curiosity that make us feel alive.” So, when we eroticize our lives, we’re curious about ourselves and the world. We’re in connection with our senses. We’re in connection with our breath. With our health. With our inherent personal power. Naturally, when we’re more connected with life, that spills over into our sexuality.

You can start tuning into the erotic with just one bite of food. The next time you’re eating, slow all the way down and offer gratitude for the animals, the farmers, the soil, the air, the bees, the shipping that made the plate of food in front of you possible. Inhale the aromas of your food. Then watch as your utensil picks up a bite. Notice the texture as the food enters your mouth. What is the temperature? Use your tongue to explore the morsel. Notice the moisture in your mouth. As you swallow the bite, consider all the systems in place to aid in your digestion. Yes, it can be that simple to connect to the erotic. To connect with this very moment. Just one bite is incredible. 

To be connected with the moment is to notice the natural unfolding of God all around us. In each breath we take. In each eye-contact we make. In each waterfall, ladybug, or sweet embrace.

If I could describe the feeling of eroticism in a song, it’s this one.  

As the erotic took hold of my life, I found myself more naked in nature. I want to wear the finest fabrics. I want to eat the most delectable and nutritious food. I want my hands in dirt. I want to be face to face with the wild. Yes! That’s what I want.

What do you want from your life? How do you want to feel each day? February is when I like to begin new things. I think there’s too much pressure in January right after all those holidays! So, for February, maybe write down how you can connect more with nature this year. How can you eroticize your life?

If you’re unsure, this is what I coach on. I focus on the erotic aspects of life and how the erotic can bring us smack dab into the present moment. It’s in the present moment that we experience the full spacial potential of our power. The present moment is everything. I can guide you home to it. Apply here.

What I’m thinking about

Speaking of just one bite of food, let’s talk arepas! Yes, these tasty little corn-flower delights are a new staple in my life. I have no idea what the nutritional facts are for them, and I don’t care. All I know is they are my best friends. They require minimal ingredients, and are so easy to make. You can eat them savory, sweet, or just plain with some butter. 

Below is the video I watched on my flight to learn how to make them. Note: I do not use vegan butter. I use ghee or raw butter for nutritional density! Yum!

What I’m looking forward to

In 2023, I really only had space for these love letters as I wrote my book. I’m now in the editing-phase of the book writing process, so I have more time to write other material. This means, I’ll be BRINGING BACK MY BLOG!

In 2021, I wrote a blog-post each Monday. I’ve since archived many of them as I no longer agree with what I wrote, but I’d like to salute that version of me for having so much to say! 

While I don’t think I’ll be writing once a week, I do hope you’ll join me there as I write about sacred sexuality, living in the present moment, and finding pleasure in every breath we take. Don’t worry, I’ll still be sending these love-letters each month too!

In February, I’ll be attending my first Zen Osesshin with Shane. It’s a 7-day silent retreat in Washington State during which, we meditate for over 12 hours a day. I’m both intimidated and eager to spend so much time in meditation. I look forward to sharing my insights with you after attending.

What I’m reading:

I’m currently re-reading No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz. I find the concept of Internal Family Systems so fascinating, and I’d like to incorporate some IFS-inspired sessions with my clients. Whether or not you’ve experienced trauma, I encourage you to read the book as it has the potential to completely change the way you view yourself and your life.

Before I go,

It’s never too late to incorporate more love into your life. More love for yourself. For others. For the Earth.

Even if life seems grim, or you’ve been wounded badly by others, can you find the courage to begin healing? Can you find the courage to find pleasure in being alive?

Thank you for being here each month. It means everything to me.

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