Hello wolf-pack. I’m so happy to have you here with me tonight.
Gonna just dive right into this one…
I was masturbating this afternoon, and IDK about you, but I like my masturbation climate to be immaculate. I want to feel a certain way in my body, and I like to position myself so that I absolutely cannot see my dog, and she cannot see me. It’s just too weird. Her little beady eyes staring into my soul. Stop it MoMo! You freak. But it’s okay, she gets it from her mother.
To paint a good pic for you, today, she insisted on being on the bed with me, so I propped myself up and put a pillow between us. Perfect. Time to get busy.
Lately, when I’ve been getting my self-pleasure on, I’ve been having these weird waves of shame resurface. Like this disappointed in myself feeling, and I’m trying to explore it because it’s something I feel really over. This used to happen to me a lot when I’d masturbate, like this feeling that I was dirty, or that I was doing something wrong that needed to be hidden.
But lately, it’s been this feeling of disapproval from the outside world that’s freaking me out. Likely a mix of reactions to only fans by my family, and a reaction to only fans by me to be real.
So right when I’m about to cum, this visual representation of disapproval has been washing over me and I kind of feel out of my body and then I lose my orgasm.
But today, something changed. Something happened that I’m really excited to share with you. Today, I reclaimed my body. I came into it.
When that feeling of disapproval washed over me, I didn’t dodge it with a sexual fantasy like I have been. Instead I just let the disapproval wash over me, and I kind of just listened to it. I heard it –
-break- um, yeah, vibrator still on clit here. If you’re a man reading this, this may give you a glimpse into why women traditionally take longer to cum, and have more difficulty with it over-all. We think about shit while we’re having sex (EVEN IF IT’S JUST WITH OURSELVES). So the least you can do is ask us what we fucking like. Like, all of this is going through my mind as I’M IN THE GODDAMN PROCESS OF MASTURBATING.
Alright, so I’m hearing this disapproval and realizing that it’s not everyone else’s judgements I’m concerned about. It’s my own.
BOOOMMM. All of a sudden, I grabbed my thigh and I felt this really wonderful sensation of my fingertips meeting my inner thigh and I thought wow, I’m in my body. Here I am this beautiful, worthy, pleasure filled woman, laying on my beautiful bed, getting down with myself and I’m so grateful to be here experiencing this.
There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not weird or gross for wanting this. I’m just chillin, having this moment with my homie, Genevive the vibrator, and I’m just allowing myself to experience this bliss.
THAT IS WHAT WE ALL DESERVE. To just be in our bodies. To allow orgasms to wash over us. We deserve to not be bogged down by these bullshit, oppressive standards that make us feel like our pleasure is inherently gross, or bad, or something that we shouldn’t want.
Uh uh. We’re done with that. We’re leveling up and allowing ourselves to feel our bodies, overCUM our feelings of worthlessness and cum into our bodies.
These beautiful bodies, no matter what history, what shape, what color, what stretchmarks, what scarring, what acne, what wrinkles, and dimples, and chub rub. NO MATTER what, we are worthy of having moments of ecstatic, sexual pleasure.
As I’m thinking all of this, I’m imagining saying it all to you in this really passionate way, and I sort of surprised myself with this bad ass orgasm that made me scream, and scared Molly a little so she revealed herself from behind the pillow and now we’re just two bitches, in the moment.
If you’re up for it, leave me a comment about your experiences with shame and how you get through them! I love to hear from you.
As always, thank you so much for being here. I love you all!
For more of me:
Personal Instagram @shewolflauren
Blog Instagram @shewolftalks