WHAT I THINK ABOUT WHILE I MASTURBATE

Hello wolf-pack. I’m so happy to have you here with me tonight.

Gonna just dive right into this one…

I was masturbating this afternoon, and IDK about you, but I like my masturbation climate to be immaculate. I want to feel a certain way in my body, and I like to position myself so that I absolutely cannot see my dog, and she cannot see me. It’s just too weird. Her little beady eyes staring into my soul. Stop it MoMo! You freak. But it’s okay, she gets it from her mother.

To paint a good pic for you, today, she insisted on being on the bed with me, so I propped myself up and put a pillow between us. Perfect. Time to get busy.

Lately, when I’ve been getting my self-pleasure on, I’ve been having these weird waves of shame resurface. Like this disappointed in myself feeling, and I’m trying to explore it because it’s something I feel really over. This used to happen to me a lot when I’d masturbate, like this feeling that I was dirty, or that I was doing something wrong that needed to be hidden.

But lately, it’s been this feeling of disapproval from the outside world that’s freaking me out. Likely a mix of reactions to only fans by my family, and a reaction to only fans by me to be real.

So right when I’m about to cum, this visual representation of disapproval has been washing over me and I kind of feel out of my body and then I lose my orgasm.

But today, something changed. Something happened that I’m really excited to share with you. Today, I reclaimed my body. I came into it.

When that feeling of disapproval washed over me, I didn’t dodge it with a sexual fantasy like I have been. Instead I just let the disapproval wash over me, and I kind of just listened to it. I heard it –

-break- um, yeah, vibrator still on clit here. If you’re a man reading this, this may give you a glimpse into why women traditionally take longer to cum, and have more difficulty with it over-all. We think about shit while we’re having sex (EVEN IF IT’S JUST WITH OURSELVES). So the least you can do is ask us what we fucking like. Like, all of this is going through my mind as I’M IN THE GODDAMN PROCESS OF MASTURBATING.

Alright, so I’m hearing this disapproval and realizing that it’s not everyone else’s judgements I’m concerned about. It’s my own.

BOOOMMM. All of a sudden, I grabbed my thigh and I felt this really wonderful sensation of my fingertips meeting my inner thigh and I thought wow, I’m in my body. Here I am this beautiful, worthy, pleasure filled woman, laying on my beautiful bed, getting down with myself and I’m so grateful to be here experiencing this.

There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not weird or gross for wanting this. I’m just chillin, having this moment with my homie, Genevive the vibrator, and I’m just allowing myself to experience this bliss.

THAT IS WHAT WE ALL DESERVE. To just be in our bodies. To allow orgasms to wash over us. We deserve to not be bogged down by these bullshit, oppressive standards that make us feel like our pleasure is inherently gross, or bad, or something that we shouldn’t want. 

Uh uh. We’re done with that. We’re leveling up and allowing ourselves to feel our bodies, overCUM our feelings of worthlessness and cum into our bodies.

These beautiful bodies, no matter what history, what shape, what color, what stretchmarks, what scarring, what acne, what wrinkles, and dimples, and chub rub. NO MATTER what, we are worthy of having moments of ecstatic, sexual pleasure.

As I’m thinking all of this, I’m imagining saying it all to you in this really passionate way, and I sort of surprised myself with this bad ass orgasm that made me scream, and scared Molly a little so she revealed herself from behind the pillow and now we’re just two bitches, in the moment. 

Exhale. Whew.

If you’re up for it, leave me a comment about your experiences with shame and how you get through them! I love to hear from you. 

As always, thank you so much for being here. I love you all!

-Lauren

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7 Responses

  1. I seriously love this so much! This is me! I’ve always felt shameful Even now being married I felt shameful my husband can get off but I felt weird like he shouldn’t know I did this! Crazy right?! I’m learning to overcum 😜 it and a plus is my husband finds it hot but even without his approval I’ve come to realize that it isn’t dirty it isn’t a bad thing and as I’ve become more comfortable in my sexuality and confident it’s also been a thought that I never want my son or daughter to feel this shame! I want them to feel secure all the way around in their life and sexuality comes with it!
    That’s one other thing to add I felt insecure being a mother and feeling sexy and confident and felt like I shouldn’t want to feel pleasure or think about these things because I’m a mom but it’s totally shifted i had to have sex to make them why am I ashamed for still wanting to enjoy my body
    Anyways thank you for this!

    1. Hi beautiful! I’m so happy that you could overCUM your shame! Yes yes yes! And I’m so glad that you touched on the mommy component. Being a mother is ONE aspect of you. Your sexuality and motherhood can be friends 🙂 Sending you love and pleasure babe!

  2. SheWulf; Thank you for sharing these things. My wife and I have had multiple conversations in this arena, and can we first start by saying that we also named our animal Momo…. she’s an amazing cat though. That’s first thing’s first. The next, is that we love that you named your vibrator. That’s perfect! Okay, now onto the masturbation. The feeling of guilt has been taught to us; but it completely makes sense because look at our parent’s generation that we’re just now coming out of. Depending on your age, your parents could have been the “Husband works, and the Wife stays home and takes care of the house”. This is also, the “Silent woman”, which I can REALLY see in my parent’s friends. There’s all this self criticism that has now manifested in guilt that THEY lay down towards their children. And here’s how that happened. They were scorned, and ridiculed… and called “dirty girls” by their moms. But in truth, the reason that happened, was because “they” were doing things that they wanted NO ONE to know about. When you hide things that you actually want to do… when you can’t take responsibility for that, the next step is to hide it. They then go a step further and start pointing their fingers at their daughters to “stay away from XYZ… and masturbation is bad”… I even, no joke, saw a wedding ring advertisement from the 60’s that talked about “not marrying a girl that masturbates”. So those hidden acts, and then forcing their ideals onto their daughters, is now, what current women are dealing with. It’s the trickle down effect of all of the amazing pleasure, their moms were hiding that they were doing. Let’s not even get STARTED with the fact that a “man’s” g-spot is in his ass. You get all these misogynistic “good ‘ol boys” that lead with anger and contempt… but in truth, they’re probably the first ones that want to fucked in the ass. So we’re all dealing with passed down ideals. And the best way to deal with it, is to do what you’ve started to do, is confront and deal with it. Also, you’ve got to have a partner that is not only willing to have those conversations, but also explore those conversations.

    1. Nathan, I’m so happy to have you and your wife here! What you just described is straight us SHAME TRICKLE DOWN ECONOMICS. It’s so sad, but it’s important for us to not only heal the wounds of our own past, but our ancestral past too, so we don’t bestow the same shame upon our next generations. You’re so awesome for this comment and it made me laugh when I got to the man ass g-spot part. YOU’RE SO RIGHT! Explore the prostate!! Sending love. -Lauren

  3. Girl!! I love this! I admire your openness and it’s nice to know that other people go through this!! I’ve totally had those shameful moments that are honestly annoying AF, but I love your resolution!
    You definitely inspired me to go masturbate now! I mean obvi cause your gorgeous and the visual of you rubbing one out is hot AF, but also I’m gonna try that shit!
    It’s time to heal! Thanks sis 🙏🏾💓

  4. Hey Lauren! Moe, here. I’m a loyal follower of your insta, OF, and blog. I’m 21 and with my last year of school and my birthday coming up soon I feel like I’ve been going through a sexual revolution with myself. A reincarnation of myself, if you will. When I was around 16 I was very disconnected with sex and women physically because I consumed a lot of porn. So to desensitize myself, I stopped masturbating with a laptop and completely changed my environment. I’d close the door to my room (per usual lol), light candles, smoke some weed, put music in my Sonos, and make sure I’m fresh out of the shower and my bed is made. I even fully moisturize with coconut oil to feel good. Then I’d go at it nice and slow, try different techniques, different speed, different grips, I’d even incorporate ice or hot wax for a unique sensation. The point of that was I was fully appreciative of my orgasm and fully submerged into the sexual energy of myself. This not only reflected in my physical sex life, but other avenues of my life became better too. As so learned to ground myself sexually, I learned I could do so with other aspects of my life. Whether it be sexually, financially, spiritually, socially, or what have you. I think it’s extremely important for everyone to masturbate and learn how their body works. Not only for better sex, but to be one with and understand your sexual energy. Yet even in 2020 sex is so taboo that women like Meg the Stallion and Cardi B are shamed for a music video. It’s comical. Anyway I digress. Hope all is well with you and thanks for sharing your story!!

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